Looking at a month of blogging

So I got to looking at all the blog headers so far, and realized that it's easy to tell just how go and stop my reading has been this month - TONS of reading done in a couple of days when I had a meeting with Kate coming up, and since then it's been going at the rate of a fatally maimed snail. And my meeting with David evidently isn't close enough to have me stressing out enough about that to really get going reading for that.

I keep wondering how much all of this should be worrying me. I've been freaking out sometimes about exams and how not well the reading's been going (usually because I'm too busy beating myself up for not doing a very good job reading to be able to concentrate on the reading - meaning that the ADD is doing a good job of ramping up depressive and anxiety-related symptoms that I'm fairly prone to anyway), and at other times I feel relatively okay because I know that I perform at my absolute best under intense pressure, and that in the end that coping mechanism is going to be what gets me through this. At the same time, it's still intimidating to know that Tony's done with most of his list and that other people are getting through 3 plays a day. I've spent a week on a 117-page philosophical treatise that should honestly only have taken about a day and a half, if that. I keep feeling like I'm missing something. Hence the mental self-deprication.

On the other hand, ballet really helped last night for a while, and when I came out it was dumping snow so fast that it took me a half hour to get home (driving about 20 mph). We got about an inch and then it stopped again. So at least we've had measurable snowfall. I finally clued in last night while unable to sleep (ballet getting out at 9:30-10 does a lot to fuck with my sleep schedule, because I end up so loaded up with adrenaline that I can't sleep until about 2) that the reason I've been so upset about the lack of snow is because my favorite, most calming and happy winter routine is to stock up on stew ingredients right before a blizzard and spend said blizzard making some kind of elaborate stew and then sitting on the couch drinking tea or cocoa, reading and watching it snow with a cat snoozing on my lap. And that hasn't been able to happen yet. So that sounds a little silly, but there you go.

There's a meeting at 4 today on "exams and how to pass them/cope with them" that I'm dragging Tony to. We'll see how that goes...

Off to go buy cat food and attempt to read, until, the frustration gets too bad with the reading attempts and I end up watching politics most of the afternoon.

Oh, and Colbert's 'the Word' from Monday night was frighteningly in line with all the theory classes I've ever had... he wants everyone to change wikipedia to say "Reality is a commodity." I agree, and would probably try and change it, but wiki has put a lockdown on that page so that it can't be changed by "vandals." I love the way Colbert uses his media power...

Democrats are really irritating me!

So after spending the whole morning looking at stuff for class for the next couple days (i.e., murderous dictators and fun with the evolution debate), I ended up spending a good chunk of the afternoon watching political debates on tv instead of getting reading done, having picked up a book, read the same paragraph six times, and realizing that none of it was making any sense (and this a non-theory, regular, normal piece of criticism written in a relatively clear style - something I'm evidently no longer used to). It's taken me a week now to get through Boethius and I'm still not finished. I at least have a meeting with David on Monday, so that should help jumpstart my pathetic butt at some point in the next few days.

We got a half an inch of snow on Sunday (YAY!!!) and were supposed to get an inch this afternoon and evening, except that the snow is all way west and way east of us, and directly north as well, and we've had about 7 minutes of flurries. So I'm not holding my breath. But the humidity went up, so maybe if we get some it will hit the ground...

I have ballet in an hour and a half and am passionately uninterested in going. I'm going more because I think the exercize would be beneficial to my otherwise languid mental state. Blah. And I'm crampy, so this should be fun ;.)

As for the title of the post, Arlen Specter (R, from my current state) finally bitch-slapped Bush verbally by asking him on the Senate floor just exactly why it was that he (Bush) could be the sole "decider" on Iraq and all other military policies, when the Constitution quite clearly states otherwise... were we lucky and living in a real democracy, the idiots that just got elected would get off of their lazy, scared little butts and either get an impeachment trial going, or at least figure out what they're going to do to get us out of an incredibly unpopular war without letting Iraq blow up in flames any moreso than it already has. "Nonbinding" resolutions completely fail to impress me. Try doing something "binding" for once.

I'm glad I'm registered independent. At least I'm not theoretically (or in fact, for that matter) supporting any of these idiots.

Comps advice from Maffoo

The following is from Matthew, quoted at length, in response to a blog on myspace bitching about how hard it is to force myself to read for exams some days. Matthew, in all his brilliance, is almost assuredly the only academic I've ever met with worse ADD than I have, and he's got the same type which comes with occasional bouts of depression, a tendency toward self-indulgence on bad days (and good days...) and a near-psychotic ability to get 500 billion things done in three days after putting everything off for so long that actual work completion seems a Herculean, if not actually impossible, task.

"I closely guard these secrets, and was one of the only students to pass all 5 areas in my first try my year, but I think it's time I pass down my uber-secret method of passing comps.

First, gather all of your readings. You cannot read anything until you have every single article, book, or unpublished manuscript in your possession. This process, for me, involved the promise of sexual favors to an academician in another state (never paid up) for the sake of some hard-to-find .pdf files. Just remember that you must fret and bitch over this, and not read anything relevant, until you can gather all of your files in a circle around yourself on the floor. In the meantime, read a ton of unrelated materials that are unrelated. You will be bitching so much about the difficulty of locating your primary sources and drinking that no one will pester you, assuming you're well under way in studying.

Next, rifle through and organize your materials. Repeat. It may take time to find the right flow of thematic readings. Drink more. Keep length in mind, and allow yourself to give preferential, early reading times to miniscule, minor works. You've been drinking a lot, so this could take days/weeks.

You now know exactly how many days/weeks/months it will take to read every article. Calculate back from the time of your test, and do NOT factor in time for food or sleep. That is the date you must begin reading. In the meantime, read a lot of Chris Kraus, drink more, and redecorate your living space. If questioned, insist that it is impossible for you to continue your work until you have fixed this.

Next, you may begin reading. This will be a stressful and painful process, and you'll realize suddenly you don't *like* your field.... or at least not your area of focus. Drink to compensate, and read something related to your new, yet unrelated, area of academic passion. Milton worked for me, but as he's too close to your area it's probably best you go with something like Stephen J. Gould's "The Structure of Evolution."

You should now be within weeks of your exam. Begin to read in earnest. Make a point to no longer bathe, eat regularly, and pick an ensemble that is appropriate for both sleeping and studying. Winter is the best season for comps, as pajamas with a hoody over them is the best attire.

Sit for your exam. You'll have some brilliant leaps of insight, and at least one point or question that you cannot answer b/c you skipped that last book based solely off of a sleep-deprived, alcohol-fueled moodiness that told you that books with tacky cover art, regardless of publisher, quality, or author, were irrelevant to your future or this exam. Excuse yourself for a bathroom or cigarette break. Dig it out in your car and skip a few lines per chapter. Return. Pass."

I am SO bloody sore...

Tony and I decided to play "vaguely yuppie-like suburban couple" yesterday and went to the gym together and then went home, showered, and went grocery shopping together for a completely vegetarian week of food. Yay!!! Maybe this will help continue the resetting of my bowels which have gone IBS-y after three weeks in KS and all the exam stress piling up. To quote my friend Kristina: "Being in grad school means never being able to take a normal shit." Amen to that.

As for the gym, it was my first non-ballet foray into the world of Lehigh gym-rat-dom. It wasn't what I expected, thank God. What I was expecting would be exactly what would talley with the normal undergrad life of the school - 500 vapid little rich brats trying hard not to sweat too much in their perfectly matched $7000 outfits while they relentlessly stared each other down. It's looked like that a few times from the windows when I glance in going up to ballet, and I HATE that, so I was nervous going yesterday, especially as I don't really have good workout pants for when it's cold out (as it currently is) and I couldn't wear shorts because I haven't shaved in like a month and a half (sorry, Tony!). And I'm not big on fashion-contest gyms - I don't wear makeup to the gym, I don't wash my hair, I barely bother brushing it, and I sweat and do a lot of weights because that's the fun stuff. I usually end up where the boys are...and Lehigh girls aren't big on gender ambiguity in any form (not that I think I would have looked particularly masculine, more just that I do "boy" things in the gym - my workout routine is like a lightweight (literally) version of Tony's).

So I think I was feeling insecure mostly because I didn't want to run into any of my students, the thought of which is vaguely mortifying to me. So I was sorta panicky until I got on one of those 'leg-toner-quasi-eliptical-things' that I'd never seen before going to the gym with Mom last summer. And beside me was some vaguely vapid-looking girl who was too absorbed in watching MTV to pay any attention to anyone else, and someone who had to be a professor, based on age, on my other side, sweating like a stuck pig and looking like he resented the very idea of exercize with a mortal passion. In other words, it was basically normal. And they have exercize bands (like the dreaded ones that they use in physical therapy) tied up on different height pegs on a wall for all sorts of stretches, so I ended up randomly doing a bunch of shoulder and rotator cuff strengthening exercizes for shits and giggles and am currently just praying the pain goes away before ballet on Tuesday - holding my arms over my head at present for any length of time poses a minor problem.

So YAY for finding that out - at this point I'll probably start swinging by after teaching a few days a week and on Saturday afternoons with Tony when it's quiet, because 30 minutes doing cardio and then 30 minutes beating the hell out of myself with a combination of weights, exercize bands and situps does a lot more than at-home ball-aided yoga for calming my frazzled brain. I even got my microthemes graded (just in time to get more of them on Monday), and to figure out which lazy student it was that didn't actually so much bother turning one in (or explaining to me why he didn't bother). If he doesn't get the next one in, I'll just Section 3 him and get the dean to deal with him. I don't really have the time or the inclination to bother, and I'd love to be on the track to getting someone out of the class - I don't have time for deadweight and I don't want to bother grading the papers of someone who can't be bothered to do the groundwork toward better writing. And for the purposes of this semester, I'd really LOVE to have fewer than 21 students. That's a lot of time grading papers (roughly 30/paper avg).

I was going to blog about the Welsh and Chretien versions of the grail legends, but it occurred to me that I have something like 8 pages of notes from teaching them for Kate last semester, so I'm not going to bother. She knows I have grails down cold anyway...

And finally, the weather update: it's FREEZING outside (though not as bad as Friday) and we had one of those "morning high, gets colder all day" type things move through, so the day's high came at approximately 9:45 am and it's now getting colder. It's also cloudy and they're saying we might get a stray snow shower tonight (!)...but wouldn't really get any good accumulation. Not even an inch, and probably not even that. Grrrr.

Tony and I are going to go see 'The Last King of Scotland' tonight with his grandmother. We went and saw 'Notes on a Scandal' on Friday night - that's the best portrait of unchecked Borderline Personality Disorder I've ever seen - Judy Dench really ought to win the Oscar (except I haven't seen Helen Mirrin in 'the Queen' yet, and she's the favorite - I should see that before playing with predictions).

Malory's grail legend

I occurs to me I should do something about writing down the Welsh 'Peredur' and the Chretien versions of the grail legends as well, since this one is substantially different (i.e., Lancelot plays a part, there's more than one grail knight, etc.), but I'm writing about Malory since this one is freshest in my memory.

Malory's version of the Arthurian legends is big on gaps and open spaces where he leaves much to the imagination or merely gives a sort of outline of narrative. The grail section differs from this in that it's much more complete, much more thought out, and significantly different from the rest of the story. It seems to provide a moral 'corrective' to the rest of the text - whereas in most of the tales, villains and heroes seem to be fairly conflated and loose sexual morals are common, the grail legend stops all that in its tracks and almost all knights are found to be failures. This seems to be where Malory pauses and applies a Christian moral structure to the tales almost just to see what happens. The tale focuses on Galahad, Percival, Bors, and Launcelot mostly - Gawain is mention briefly, but the fact of his failure in this particular arena is quickly made apparent. Galahad is absolute perfection - he seems to be in many ways a saint or almost Christlike figure - he is able to heal people who should have been dead 500 years earlier and have just been waiting for his touch to be healed and freed from their mortal bodies, he is able to carry with no problems a specific, very holy sword which kills all of its other bearers (making him vaguely like Arthur in that he has a specific sword that is meant only for him), and people are constantly foretelling his coming as a sort of holy, happy, life-saving event. Malory piles the praise on fairly thick. Percival is not as bumbling or backwards or in need of teaching as he is in the French or Welsh versions of the legend - he is, like Galahad, a virgin; Percival's virginity is put to a clear test through a temptation scene with a disguised devil and Percival survives the ordeal still 'pure' or untouched, which proves his holiness. His other role seems to be to sit aroundon a boat and wait for Galahad and Bors to show up. Bors, on the other hand, isn't a virgin and had once had sex with one woman to save her life or something like that - he is the only knight of the three who is sent back to Earth after witnessing the grail mysteries. The sex seems to be the reason for that. Bors' other task is to help Launcelot.

Launcelot, Launcelot... Launcelot is constantly told by many holy men that he would have been the greatest of all grail knights and of all knights ever had he chosen to live the life of God rather than the life of the World (i.e., had he not given in to his intense lust for Gwennie...) - Launcelot goes through 24 days of nasty penance to make up for the 24 years of having sinned with the queen, and then wanders around a lot with a hairshirt on lamenting his fate and occasionally being helped by others, healed, or whatever he needs. He is allowed to SEE the grail for reasons that escape me completely, because while he seems to be relatively sincere in his repentance over all the adultery, and then gets to see the Grail and be accounted wonderfully holy and whatnot, he immediately jumps right back into bed with Gwen the moment the opportunity presents itself, which leads me to wonder how sincere he ever was. That he is the greatest knight in the world is left absolutely without doubt in the text - there are two clear standards of "greatness" operating in the text and Launcelot clearly works well in the chivalric codes of honor and glory and love, even if he's a bit hot-tempered and prone to disguising himself to win more honor (clear pride issue here). In the heavenly code of morality, however, he - like pretty much all the other knights - fails miserably because the chivalric code asks for people to ride around and occasionally murder people for other people, allows for adultery, and basis most of its high standards around lechery and pride. The only sin it clearly refuses to allow in is avarice, and that's mostly in the service of giving one's stuff away in abundance to other people who are already of high rank, rather than giving charitably to the poor who actually NEED the money. So it's hard to see where social good comes into this code.

The grail story, on the other hand, works in complete opposition, valuing only the knights who have followed the Christian code of ethics quite clearly and have never fallen into any of the deadlies (with the aforementioned oopsy of Bors, who is excused for having acted for reasons other than lust). I know I'm getting repetitive here, but this is why I have a tendency to web-map papers out before I actually write the stupid things. It helps keep the ADD under control...

Arthur, strangely, never goes on the Grail quest at all. He merely sits around and laments the fact that everyone else has gone. That Arthur is fully a character of the world (and specifically, of THIS world) is thus reaffirmed here - he, for whatever reason, cannot or will not go on a quest for the other-worldly grail (which, of course, seems to have had its origins in Celtic myths of Otherworld cauldrons which Arthur would lead the charge to go regain), and he cannot follow his kidnapped queen into Meleagaunt's otherworldly realm. It surprises me in this instance that it is in Arthur's court that the grail makes its first appearance - the tale starts in Malory with everyone sitting around waiting for a feast to start, having finally gotten ahold of Galahad, who appears magically having been raised by nuns and who is able to beat all knights in the realm - it is Galahad's appearance which leads to the distinction of sinful knights v. holy knights - anyway, eventually at a feast all are touched by the holy spirit and the grail comes through, smells wonderful (spicy and whatnot) and gives everyone on their plate their favorite type of food and then disappears. The food thing is strange as it seems to promote gluttony (love those deadly sins...). After that everyone disappears.

The other odd thing which ought to be quickly mentioned is that Galahad is Launcelot's son. Launcelot was forced into bed with one of the two Elaines who falls in love with him through the course of the story - she falls in love with him and then uses magic to get him into bed with her... so in a sense, Galahad is the bastard product of witchcraft rather than love which makes his sudden ascension to "greatest knight of all times" interesting and rather contradictory. So I guess the moral here is that when it comes to one's holy life, one's origins have nothing to do with one's purity and faith (this seeming contradictory to the idea of original sin, but Malory was in a bit of a pickle and shortly to be executed when he wrote this, so maybe he was hoping that he'd get off a bit lighter in the afterlife or something) :)

Quiz writing and other procrastination joys

I just finished getting all the work done that I need to have done by Monday except for writing a quiz to make sure that my kids are doing their work as opposed to, um, not doing it. It occurs to me that I'm only doing this for two reasons: 1 - about half of them didn't even have the book with them last time we worked from it (Wayne C. Booth's The Rhetoric of Rhetoric - eminently clear and useful, but dryer than a bad Merlot), much less had bothered reading the assigned chapter, and 2 - when I finish the quiz, I really need to do a post on Grail legends before I forget them and go back to my week-long project of reading Boethius' 117-page philosophical treatise on why faith in God gives us something to live for, and something to make death easier to bear. All told, it's probably better than Aquinas. It's just occasionally slow going, which seems to have as much to do with my concentration issues as it does anything else. Perhaps I should just force myself to finish it and then dig in to some Milton for a while. Or some Shakespeare. I finally have a meeting with David scheduled for a week and a half from now, so I may finally get some productivity going - I'm supposed to have all of Milton (excepting Paradise Lost, which I've gone over with him in three different classes and written a 20-odd page paper on, so we appear to be on the same page in that I could probably recite it in my sleep if necessary) prepared (which really means a focus on the Second Defense of the English people and the Areopagitica) along with all of Shakespeare, or rather the histories, tragedies and romances because both of us find the commedies rather boring. I only really like the commedies when I can subvert them.

So that leaves me off to quiz land, trying to put together a relatively easy multiple choice quiz that will take me infinitely more time to write than it will for them to take it and me to grade it. Of joy of joys...

Tomorrow's goals &etc.

For tomorrow:
-Get a post done on the Grail legend from the Malory and how it relates to the other 500,000,000 grail legends out there, as well as what said legend has to do with attempting to make up for the faulty/unChristian morality in the rest of the text
-teach
-stop smelling like a RedHot (story to be following)
-attempt to finish Boethius and post on that as well

For tonight:
-watch Thank You for Smoking
-figure out a quiz question or two for my students so that I can establish who's working and who isn't...
-read more Boethius


Boethius (the Consolation of Philosophy) ought to be read by anyone that's got any sort of interest at all in either Christian morality or medieval thought. It's amazing, logical, and influenced damned near everything that was written after it for the next roughly 900 years, which isn't a bad feat for anyone. Mostly it does a good job of pointing out why all the things we waste our time stressing out over aren't really worth stressing out over, since the only thing that can never be taken away from anyone is their faith in God. He does a particularly good job in making this last point fairly irrefutable, especially to himself (who had been a Roman consul only to have power and fame ripped away from himself for siding with the wrong people during some particular bullshit fight or other - I imagine Scooter Libby must feel more or less the same). I'll write more about it later, though I'm thinking that with a bit of work, I can link it really closely to the Zizek I was reading at the end of last semester for David's "death" paper - and then send it in to the Neomedievalism conference in Canada in November. Which would be great because it would get me out of this stupid state for a while and into a place where it snows once in a while.

I think I finally realized that the reason the lack of snow is pissing me off so much, and the reason I'm taking it so personally, is because the typically huge amount of snowfall in the average PA winter is one of two things that make up for having to live in this God-forsaken hellhole of a state. The other (more important) thing is Tony. But the snow helps, except for when it doesn't come, and especially when it's forever in the forecast only to disappear a day or two before we're finally supposed to get 6+ inches. To date, we've gotten perhaps a quarter of an inch put together. Maybe. And I need to stop taking this so personally, because the lack of snow is one of the many reasons I ended up in a puddle of tears all over Tony this afternoon (or rather, during lunch) instead of getting anything productive done. The rest, or even majority, of the reason I ended up in tears had a lot to do with having the first nervous breakdown of the semester, the reasons for which can be read and extrapolated from every non-textual-blog I've written in the past two weeks. I'm trying to get past this and get productive for a while.

I hate exams.

Malory - Birth, Kingship and Death of Arthur

I'll try and keep just to anything Arthur related in this section. All of this is related to Malory's Le Morte D'Arthur, gloriously repetitive text that it is. I know that this text provides the basis for all following English versions of anything Arthurian, but it seems as though all Malory really does is provide a rich (if repetitive) outline of all the Arthurian legends he knew, which leaves lovely gaps for others to fill later. This is probably why people like him so much. He's a big influence on future writers (channelling Bloom here, apologies).

So: Arthur. It seems almost like one must needs go through Malory with bullet points, since Malory seems to be writing full sentence bullet points and calling it a narrative. So, to begin with:
-Merlin sets Uther up with Igraine after Uther falls in love with Igraine during a feast he held in honor of finally declaring peace with Igraine's husband, Gorlois. She figures this out, and in a scene which parallels one in Erec and Enide, tells her husband of Uther's intentions. They leave, so Merlin aids Uther in sleeping with Igraine on the night her husband is killed in battle. Arthur is conceived. Merlin's requested fee for these services are no less than the child they conceive - Uther has no problem granting him this request. Arthur is taken from Igraine the moment he's born, which provides a nice exemplum of how little mothers are taken into account in this text. The important family structure seems to be entirely patriarchal - father to son, and father to daughter - daughters have far more importance to their fathers than wives do to their husbands; it must be noted, however, that unwed women seem to enjoy quite a bit of freedom to roam about the country when they wish. Anyway, Arthur is taken at the moment of his birth and given to Sir Ector, whose wife suckles him. Uther dies, promising the throne to his son, when Arthur is two. Merlin creates the sword in the stone and says that the rightful ruler of Britain will be the only one able to withdraw the sword from the stone.

- Arthur, while quite young, goes to a New Year's tournament with Sir Ector and his foster brother, Sir Kay. Arthur fetches the sword from the stone and gives it to Kay, who proves his admirable character by lying to his father and claiming to have gotten the sword himself, claiming thus to be king. It is only when they go back to the site and Kay is asked to replace the sword that he admits Arthur got it. Arthur then replaces and re-removes the sword. People immediately begin to swear allegiance to him, though he then has to repeat the performance at Easter and at Candlemas before finally getting crowned at Pentacost, which seems to be why this particular festival is such a big deal for him. Arthur swears to rule justly. Justice is thus established as being one of the controlling themes of the text, and it's interesting to follow through and establish where justice happens v. where it doesn't.

-The early part of Arthur's reign is filled with battle after battle after battle against the seven kings who oppose his reign. Arthur, aided significantly by Merlin, wins most of the battles and manages to subdue the kings long enough for them to have to go and deal with troubles at home. Arthur is called a brilliant fighter, but most of the actual strategy that goes along with his military prowess - the leadership that allows him to win - comes from Merlin (who, it should be mentioned, is the son of the devil). Merlin seems to be more of the true leader/king than is Arthur - Merlin is forever giving Arthur advice, telling Arthur the future, helping him strategize in military battles, etc. Significantly, it is Merlin who tells Arthur of Arthur's fatal error - that of sleeping with his aunt Morgawse - and that the issue of said "union," Modred, would cause the downfall of the realm. I gather this is why this story is always called the death of Arthur - one of Arthur's first exploits upon becoming a king and a military success is to accidentally commit incest - and that incest is what returns to haunt him in the end. Significantly, also, coming from the incest is seeming infertility on Arthur's part - he has one son with some unnamed woman early on, and produces Modred with Morgawse, but then eventually marries Gwynevere and never produces a child from his marriage. This probably has as much to do with Arthur's incest as it dos with Gwynevere's love for Launcelot and vice versa. After this and after a run-in with King Pellinore and the Questing Beast, Arthur is given the sword from the Lady of the Lake, and seems more or less able to rule on his own. Arthur is given the sword right after fighting, and almost losing, to King Pellinore.

-Arthur is given Gwynevere by Merlin after Merlin warns him that she is destined to love Launcelot, rather than him. Arthur doesn't seem to care, and Gwynevere comes to court accompanied by the Round Table. This links Gwynevere up with the fate of the fellowship of the table - her illicit love of Launcelot is what finally brings about the destruction of the realm through Modred's doing - and it shows that Arthur is willing to marry her despite knowing her to be destined for another - he fails as a husband to choose a wife who will be loyal, and as a king to choose a queen who will protect his interests (and by extension, the interests of the realm). The oath that goes along with becoming a knight of the round table (and being given sufficient land to make sure that said knights can be rich and prosperous and look nice and lordly and dignified) is to "only fight in just causes, at all times to be merciful, and at all times to put the service of ladies foremost." (69) Merlin is imprisoned by Nyneve immediately following the setup of the round table.

-At this point, it seems best to think about any particular adventures in terms of how well the knights in question fulfill their oaths for justice, mercy, and the service of ladies. Most of the time, failure to uphold these oaths results in some sort of narratively-driven punishment for the offending knights, whereas knights who patiently uphold these oaths, like Sir Gareth, are rewarded by love and honor.

-As a king, Arthur isn't exactly an autocrat. He prefers to rule mostly by counsel, first following the dictates of Merlin, and later listening to a combination of Gwynevere, Gawain, Launcelot (when Launcelot isn't in trouble for some reason or another) and anyone else who seems fit or whom Arthur loves (in the non-sexual, non-homoerotic, platonic way, naturally). This seems to work fine quite often until his downfall, which is precipitated by Arthur and then encouraged by Gawain, whom Arthur relies on for good counsel but who, by the end of the book, shows himself to be so overwhelmed by the desire for revenge rather than mercy or justice (these being common problems with Gawain, who is involved in quite the ever-recurring blood feud) often overshadows his ability to maintain any sort of objectivity. Arthur fails as a king and a leader in these moments, as he is unable to put aside personal feelings for Gawain and Gawain's desires for the good of the kingdom, even when he realizes that Gawain's desires are unjust or unfair. It is this oversight that allows Modred the opportunity to take over Britain (because Arthur and forces are in France busily trying to destroy Launcelot and his lands) and leads to the eventual fateful battle wherein Arthur and his bastard son/nephew kill each other. Upon Arthur's death, Bedivere is given the responsibility to give the sword back to the Lady of the Lake, which he does unwillingly - the sword symbolizes Arthur's reign over Britain (and perhaps something more Freudian - hee hee!), and must leave the land when he does.

The Knight of the Cart - Chretien

At 11:53 am, it's technically still morning, and I have on a face mask to prove it.

The Knight of the Cart is great, in that it begins with Guenevere getting captured for the umpteenth time by Meleagant (or whatever spelling seems appropriate here), and Launcelot running off to save her. Launcelot's identity is hidden in the text and only referred to as "the knight in the cart" until he is the midst of doing battle to save Guennie. Thus it seems that his identity is only clear and important to him (or to the text, at least) when he is doing something directly in the service of his lady, and she is forced to recognize that fact. Before this, his identity is unable to be expressed fully. Interesting, Guenevere knows who Launcelot is without anyone needing to tell her - when asked, she is fully ready and able to give the name of her heroic savior.

Launcelot's behavior, upon learning who is watching him, is to act like a besotted idiot, staring at the queen while fighting behind his back with one hand, until someone points out to him that he's losing pretty badly. At that point he flips the battle around so he can fight AND look at the queen. The inspiring quality love of her has for him is thus amply illustrated.

The story begins with Launcelot climbing into a cart (thus branding him a criminal to the degree that people flat refuse to even play or enjoy a picnic when he is in the vicinity) - Launcelot sees no shame in this despite the fact that everyone nearby points out to him (and to each other) how shameful and criminal it is to be seen in a cart. People are generally placed in carts in this context to be shown as convicted criminals (apologies for the tortured sentence structure) and taken off to execution. Launcelot's willingness to be in the cart shows a sort of tacit acceptance of his status as a criminal in some sense, or a captive of love - he is most criminal in that his love keeps him tied to the queen and to the world when he should be fighting for God and for the next world. Guenevere's willingness to participate in the forbidden love with Launcelot is proven through her anger at him over the cart incident - the problem is not (as people in the text assume) that he got into the cart, but rather than he hesitated for two steps before climbing in, thus, to her mind, showing his hesitation to love her fully and as he should. Her otherwise acceptance of the cart issue brands her as criminal as is he in the same moral sense.

King Arthur, though in other tales willing to raise a huge army and go after a friend's enemy with only the slightest provocation, is in this tale unwilling or somehow unable to go after Meleagant in M's own lands. Arthur can (and does) range throughout Europe and parts of Asia in his domination and empire building phases in Chretien's tales, but is stuck at home unable to help as his queen is carried off by the devil (Meleagant seeming to have something of the root of "mal" or "evil" in his name) and his people are kept unwillingly in M's lands once they have willingly (or unwillingly) entered. In that sense, Meleagant's land (Gorre - some scholars posit it to be a reference to a Celtic underworld) seems to function as a land of death or an Otherworld of some sort, showing that Arthur's power is very much of the world and has no power of any sort outside of it. The limitations on Arthur's empire are thus, in a sense, the limitations of the world as we know it. Meleagant coming to get Guenever thus mirrors many mythological tales (wherein this tale probably finds its original analogues) of Death capturing the Maiden who must then be saved by the Hero in the Journey to the Otherworld (if, anachronistically, we want to go Jungian archetypes on this). This story has a billion parallels, including one in the Mabinogion, "Branwen Daughter of Llyr" whose eponymous character - daughter of the sea god - is kidnapped from Wales, brought to Ireland, and reclaimed by Bran (I think - it's been a while) in a sort of seasonal myth that parallels that of Persephone.

In terms of empire, however, as that paragraph originally was discussing, Arthur has such power as can be afforded to major military generals with major military might. He cannot, however, cross over to the Otherworld to claim power there. The mere possibility of that action isn't even allowed to him. Meleagant's opening boast to Arthur is that he "hold[s] imprisoned knights, ladies and maidens from your land and household. I do not bring you news of them because I intend to return them to you; rather I want to inform you that you have neither wealth nor power enough to ensure their release. And you know well that you will die before you are able to come to their aid."..."The king replied that he must accept this, since he could not change it for the better, but that it grieved him deeply" (Chretien, 207-8). Arthur is powerless over Maleagant's dominion at least until he dies, and both know it, The fact that Launcelot is able to get in, free Guennie and everyone else there and then return, in a sense seems to point out that he is in some sense already dead, which perhaps hints at the morality of Launcelot's state of soul in deadly sin... Chretien doesn't seem to be the most supportive figure in the quest for adultery in love - he seems to prefer instead marriages which also function as does love, and openly questions the goodness of those who prefer to look for love outside their marriage. The text thus seems to work in several ways to brand Launcelot as a criminal.

All that said, I'm off to take a shower. I'll go over Malory next.

Pledge to my readers (or really, myself)

I WILL get a post done first thing upon regaining consciousness in the morning about Arthurian stuff. Then, I will read more of Boethius. Then I will get through enough of the Book of the Duchess that I can drag my sorry ass out of bed at some point nearing 10 or so to make sure I'm on campus for the Chaucer class at 11:15 so that I can learn more Chaucer.

To do tonight:
-figure out why my cat is wigged out this time
-figure out why my tummy is so wigged out this time
-wonder which bumbling moron thought it would be fun to shove out in the conservative media that Obama had gone to a Muslim school as a 6 year old...the type of school they chose for him to have attended equates to a university/grad school level for us...and then which bumbling idiot thought it would be a good idea to try and say that Hillary's camp was the one to start the (obviously erroneous) rumor
-pray for snow

Mother Nature doesn't like me this Winter

I've been waiting for it to snow here in PA since roughly November (or to be more realistic, really since the last snowfall in February last year or whenever it was). Snow is my favorite weather, and I love that in PA we don't get much of the ice that tends to accompany snow in KS. However, here it is, January 21st (Tony's birthday - YAY!!) --- and there's no snow, and there hasn't been any snow, and the only snow forecast in the foreseeable future is in the non-measurable category, so that doesn't really count either. There literally hasn't been ANY!!!

Okay, there was a dusting on the ground on Wednesday last week. But that dusting didn't really count for much of anything. And I didn't actually get to see it snow either, which is part of the problem.

Meanwhile, Malibu got four inches last week. I'm sure everyone involved would be happier if we could have taken their snowfall. Tony's mom won't make us rice pudding until we get a blizzard, and it's really good so I'm sad to have to continue to wait for it!!

Other than that, I've set myself the assignment of trying to read (and perhaps blog on) the rest of Malory, or on Boethius' the Consolation of Philosophy. And I should read the Book of the Duchess so I can go to the Chaucer class tomorrow and catch up on all the Chaucerian knowledge I've somehow randomly managed to miss despite being involved with Medieval Studies classes every semester of college from my sophomore year on - that puts me at 8 years of studying this stuff, and I've never really dealt much with Chaucer. Yet I've read Piers Plowman in its untranslated, unabridged form. And Geoffrey of Monmouth. Etc. Strange.

hitting the wall

So I've had my first "official" meeting with my advisor on my exams, which went relatively well although she's correct in that I should go through everything I've read with a fine tooth comb playing "fun with Arthur as an imperial monarch" - which could be fun, should be fun, and really should get done sooner rather than later because I need to read Boethius and the Book of the Duchess and get onto reading several accounts of Arthur's death before I can move on to chronicle versions of Arthur and other forms of early English imperialism and even consider working on something to do with my minor field.

That said, I've basically run into a wall. Exams, if I haven't mentioned, are in 3.5 months. I really should be getting more done than this. The issue I've run into is my ever-ongoing ADD, which I didn't really realize was ADD until quite recently (aka, upon finding out that my brother and both my parents have been diagnosed with it as well). I'm not normally the first to go jumping for a pharmoceutical solution to my brain issues, so I'm trying to figure out how to cope. I know my usual pattern with things. I usually can't focus on anything until I've got a deadline staring me in the face. Once I have said deadline (and it can't be set by myself or be artificial in any way - I have to have a grade or other such thing (professorial approval, perhaps?) riding on said deadline - fake ones don't work), I seem to mentally work out about how much time I absolutely NEED in order to get through whatever needs to get done by said deadline, and then get it done in a super-focused mode, where I tend to tune out all of life and everything that isn't immediately concerned with whatever the current project is (which is why abstracts for conferences tend to get submitted on the due date, papers get turned in about one hour before drop dead time, etc). I'm not particularly pleasant during those times, as anyone who's seen me in a fit of paper-writing can attest to.

Anyways, up until now this sort of work pattern has suited me just fine - I've adapted to it, and I understand where my strengths/weaknesses/limitations are. I get things done (somehow). And for some bizarre reason the things I do under intense pressure and stress at the last minute are usually the most brilliant things I do.

So now comes the exam period, and I'm completely stuck - I have no clue how to get myself to focus and work on anything that needs to get done unless I've got a meeting scheduled with one of my examiners - when there's no upcoming meeting I have a tendency to spend a lot of time watching the news getting furious at the President for the 1,983,579,084,375th time, trying to read something, getting frustrated because I can't concentrate, getting listless, dragging myself out to a coffeeshop (of which this particular part of PA is in short supply) to try and read and getting frustrated, going to Barnes and Noble for the same reason and getting caught up gazing longingly at the Zizek I'd love to read and have no time for because it's not on the list, and then coming home feeling defeated and frustrated and crying over every little things on whatever rerun of 'Scrubs' that happens to be on. I can't quite get myself to work at any other time --- other than in the bathtub, which for some reason seems to work marvels on me. I've even gotten to the point where I'm dumping more hot water in the tub rather than getting out when I realize that the water's gotten ice cold. Problem here: I seem to be cursed with hideously dry skin to begin with, and even with the bath bombs and whatnot that I've been using, bathing every night on top of showers on whatever mornings I'm required to be "awake" or "alert" or "ready to teach" is making my skin so dry that getting through ballet class Tuesday night was downright painful. My skin kept cracking.

So I'm stuck now, wondering if for the sake of my Ph.D. (and my poor fiance's sanity) I should haul up to the campus health center/psych ward for the fifth time since I started grad school to try and see if they can come up with something helpful or worthwhile, or at least give me some sort of diagnosis that I could take down to the nurse practitioners (because God Forbid an elite-ish Northeast school could ever possibly get us an honest-to-God DOCTOR) and get a prescription for something to put my brain into the type of relatively-focused state getting through exams is going to require of me. But then that feels like giving up, and after my previous experiences with psychotropic drugs (only Klonipin remains friendly), I'm really not happy about that idea.

So I haven't managed to get anything read in like 24 hours now, and I keep sitting on the couch hearing the clock tick down seconds until the exam, and I keep feeling like the seconds are adding up and I would kill for them to either stop or hurry up so I can be done with this hell somehow and happily slurping a Three Coast Ale at Bells in K-zoo after my presentation. I'm really excited for Kalamazoo this year - I'm presenting a paper that came out of an idea I had in a Chaucer class that then turned into a paper on a slightly different topic for another class on heretics the next semester that then flipped gears again, got vaguely empire-focused and is now playing with anti-Welsh rhetoric and is a far cry from Chaucer, but that's usually how my paper ideas go. It's the first thing I've gotten to work on that seems as though it could turn into a diss chapter or a publication or anything, and I'm starting to feel publication pressure as well. Hopefully when I submit something for publication I'll be able to organize my thoughts better than I did here...

So what the hell does one do with crippling ADD, examiners who are unable due to understandable circumstances to give much meeting time, and 132 more texts to get through before May 1st??

Confucius was full of shit.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

So I've been keeping that in mind while beginning the arduous exam reading task, the results of which can be read by any masochist in the last three entries. Unfortunately, I don't feel as though I've gotten anywhere (other than a vaguely deeper understanding of the morality issues of one Chretien de Troyes), exams are coming up in three and a half months, I've got a paper from my last medieval class that the professor thinks I should try and publish (I tend to agree, but I'm lost as to where the time for that is going to show up), I'm still missing 35 texts for my list, I've a meeting with the said medieval professor tomorrow afternoon in which I'm supposed to WOW her with my brilliance (as I mentioned to a friend, I'm wondering if she'd perhaps just allow me to substitute my blogging in lieu of actual on my feet thinking come exam time), I've got ballet in two hours and I really, really, really want a beer.

I smell like lemongrass.

I've been trying to convince myself that the best way to get through exams will be to do as much reading as possible in the bathtub, as happy scents tend to relax me and help focus my ADD infested brain - that said, I've spent a ridiculous amount of money at Lush (www.lushusa.com) recently getting myself bathie-bits to snuggle in while I cram my brain full of Aquinas, Arthurian legends, and Augustine (among others). (And, because I'm tired and this sounds funny, next week is Boethius, the Book of the Duchess, and something else that begins with a B...) I'm hoping that the bathtub thing helps somewhat. I'm exhausted already, the semester is only two days old, and I haven't even planned out my class for tomorrow (though I'm making them read about cannibalizing babies, so I'll have fun even if they're weirded out), so I'm looking at a long night of Jonathan Swift and the adventures of Lancelot and Guenevere once ballet is over at 10. At least it will be nice to stretch my muscles out!

Cliges - The Anti-Tristan

This tale is essentially Tristan and Isolde, only happy and with a lovely basis for the Romeo and Juliet plot thrown in. And it's happier than either of those, and Fenice constantly whines that she doesn't want to be seen as another Isolde. For all that, however, she constantly deceives her husband with the help of her nurse's black magic, only to finally cheat on him and run away from him upon having created a good enough opportunity.

The plot follows the German Tristan in that the fate of Cliges' parents is first described, along with detailed analyses of their states of mind and their falling into love and the processes of that event. Cliges is then born, and eventually placed second in line to the throne in Constantinople, forced to rely on a promise from his uncle Alis (the emperor, having stolen the kingdom from Cliges' father) never to marry or have a child, so that Cliges will remain the true heir. Cliges' parents then die. Alis is persuaded to marry and goes from Constantinople to Germany to get a beautiful daughter of a Duke who has been promised to some or other hideous German Duke in a neighboring area. Her father goes back on the promise to the German and gives her to Alis against her will - she has fallen for Cliges (who has fallen for her as well). She gets kidnapped and Cliges rescues her and then fights several tournaments and duels and whatnot for her. The go back to Constantinople, although Cliges leaves while still in Germany and hightails it, on his dead father's advice, to Britain to prove himself a worthy knight (as did his father before him). He succeeds in winning fame, and then returns to Constantinople to be with Fenice, who is married to Alis but not fucking him due to some potion her nurse has cooked up - a nice parallel to Tristan - Alis dreams every night that he has sex with Fenice, but in reality she remains a virgin for her true beloved. Fenice and Cliges then sigh for each other, and eventually admit their love to one another and cook up a plot wherein she will fake death, he will get her "buried" somewhere hidden, and they will then in safety consummate their love. This works until they get caught, whereat F and C run off to Britain, and Arthur promises to protect them. Alis dies, C inherits the kingdom, and happy ever after (unlike Romeo or Tristan).

The most interesting thing about this whole story is the characterization of Fenice. She adamantly refuses to be classed with Isolde and constantly states her dislike of the idea of cheating on her husband, which seems noble and wonderful until she decides that lying to him through faking her own death is acceptable. The story, however, finds no problem with this. She fakes her death relatively well, except for a few doctors who are persuaded that she still lives - trying to get her to admit to still being alive, they torture her body in a scene gruesome enough to rival most of the female saints' lives - she endures mortification of the body silently and with pleasure because it helps bring her closer to her lover, exactly as the saints do so that they may be brought closer to Jesus. In a sense, then, this story seems less moral than Tristan, even though the author clearly intended the reverse, as it clearly replaces love for Jesus with physical, earthly Love - one could see why the clergy would have such problems with romances. At the ending, the text uses the example of Fenice to explain (without any real condemnation) why it is that Eastern emperors always lock up their wives so that no men (other than eunuchs) may see them - Fenice was so disloyal to her husband that all emperors treat their wives as though they would act as did Fenice if given the chance. This is interesting because in a sort of backward sense it makes Fenice worse than Iseult - Iseult is almost universally praised, whereas Fenice becomes an example for why it's acceptable to keep women confined -- which is also interesting because Fenice is for a time confined in a tower herself, and complains of being continually locked up, which is why they end up fucking in the open and how they end up getting caught. The irony is lovely.

Erec/Gereint and Enid/e

Chretien's version (dammit, why can't I put in accent marks?) of Erec and Enide -
One of the most saturated themes in the work is that of wisdom v. foolishness. In part, the story works to give Erec the experience requisite to be a good knight and ruler of his realm. He starts out youthful and relatively lucky - he gains much fame and a beautiful wife through his prowess. He then desires, after marriage, to go home and rule over his kingdom, where he becomes so totally besotted with his wife that he does nothing but lie around in bed with her all day. The primary fault here seems to be lust. He then overhears Enide's lamentations of his loss of status, and drives her out on the mission to regain his fame. Much of the time he is commented upon by others as being foolish, or as making foolish decisions, which is fitting in that his reasons for going out on the journey in the first place are uninformed - he blames Enide for her comment rather than actually finding out what she meant - which is foolish. It is only after he realizes that Enide truly loves him (after she rebuffs the advances of another man (Count Death, entertainingly) that he revives from presumed death and becomes more wise. This seems to show both sides of the courtly love dilemma - when Erec is too overcome by sexual pleasure to do anything, love becomes harmful to him and his reputation; when, however, he tests her love and discovers it to be true and his jealousy to be mistaken, he loves Enide in a way that allows him to gain greater glory for himself and for her - love then functions as ennobling rather than debasing.

Much the same holds true for the Welsh version, except that instead of working on the foolish/wise dichotomy, the text works on a well-/ill-advised dichotomy, so that what is shown to be important is not necessarily the wisdom of the individual, but the individual's willingness to listen to others, place himself in the community, and keep good counselors nearby.

As for the horses - they seem in both tales to provide an initial measure of success for Gereint/Erec. Enid/e drives the horses, which seems to be a way for Erec/Gereint to show his success off as a knight without having to actually boast to her about his prowess - they therefore help to fulfill part of the chivalric code. Furthermore, they provide E/G with a way to be generous above and beyond the repayment of debts. Finally, by allowing (or perhaps forcing) Enid/e to drive the horses, the text illustrates the beloved's role in the knight's success - she has her own work to do to enable his success.

Finally, Enid/e - E/G's treatment of her is hideous. In Chretien's version, Enide is praised for her wisdom above and beyond her beauty; in the Welsh, this is ignored though she is shown to be fairly wise. The Welsh tale is altogether more focused on Gereint than Enid - she suffers quietly and her troubles over whether or not to obey her husband are illustrated, but the focus is altogether more on him. In Chretien's version, Enide's cunning and wisdom is more fully illustrated, and the various different modes of feeling she experiences throughout the text are described in detail. For the most part, however, she is shown to be the ideal, patiently suffering wife, more concerned for her husband's welfare than her own.
Both texts work to rid Enid/e of her speech - she is denied the right to communicate to her husband at all, though she breaks that commandment when he is endangered. In Chretien, Erec goes so far as to deny her the right to even look at him after a while (something not in the Welsh version) - she is thus denied full control even of her major senses. This also works in conjunction with ideas about love at the time, since it is thought that love enters and increases through use of the eyes - that would make it seem as though Erec is trying to get Enide to stop loving him through the denial of sight - yet since she already loves him, this move could be to try and increase her love for him through difficulty of sight or providing obstacles.

Finally, along the sight lines - Enid/e is forced to ride in front of G/E before their reconciliation in a move which gives G/E much more power over her in terms of power of the gaze; interestingly, however, is that by riding in front, Enid/e is more exposed to the threats to G/E, which allows her to warn him, giving her some sort of power (even if born in defiance) over him. Chretien makes a point of telling us that Erec knows of the problems she warns him of when she does, and that her warnings are unnecessary - it is unapparent in the Welsh version whether or not Gereint would have been prepared for battle had Enid not warned him of upcoming attacks.

Capellanus - the Art of Courtly Love

This book manages to deconstruct itself completely in the last ten or so pages. After devoting a sincerely huge amount of time to instructing a young man in the "arts" of love, the author goes into an extended rant about how love leads men into sin and how ALL women are guilty of ALL seven deadly sins, therefore making it seem ridiculous to fall in love with them. I can't take him fully seriously in the last part, though, as it seems to be a polemic added on by the author to make his church higher-ups a bit happier with him for having otherwise written the definitive work on courtly love - he's too over the top to be serious, and flat contradicts almost the entire book.

Most of the book is focused on how men of particular classes (provided they are at least middle class and not of the peasantry) get women of particular classes (provided the women in question are also not peasants - one doesn't need to woo a desired peasant; one need only rape her when wanted) into bed (nicely tortured sentence, methinks). It's relatively repetitive, yet entertaining in that the examples Capellanus provides do not always end up with the man in question succeeding in his attempt, or in even getting some sort of hope that the woman in question might actually eventually fall for him - in the final example (higher nobility male with higher nobility female), the woman argues against loving the male because he is A) a member of the church and she B) is already in love with someone else.

The book has a sincere need to enforce the reigning class structure of the day. Much of this preoccupation comes across in the dialogues, where the classes of the people in question are discussed. Though the book allows for a greater role of nobility of character, rather than merely noble birth, the fact of not having noble birth is enough to keep someone in their particular rank no matter how noble their character may be, and it still remains that a nobleman is still noble when an asshole. The text doesn't seem to want to change this at all, and claims that the orders of nobility are in place as they are because people were sorted out among the noble and non-noble in the beginning of humanity - a person's place in society as determined by birth is nearly always reflected by their character as well. Except that this gets contradicted quite often. The main theme is that people should be brought to do good deeds regardless of class status, though class status seems sometimes to inform how good the possible deeds are that one might be able to do.

Love in this text and in the sense of courtly love (of the type that carries through all the romances) seems to function as the basis of a vaguely non-Christian type of morality. Though the book states often that people who shun the Church are not fit to be participants in Love's court, most of the precepts of the book (that love can only take place in adultery, or that the fit object of love for a lover (note gender- the lover is always male - the female is pretty much entirely passive in this whole thing except that she can choose which amongst her suitors she might give her love to) is always another man's wife) have to do with the Lover being a good person, and most of all a generous person, willing to give aid and alms to any and all who need it - avarice is constantly held up as the worst of the deadly sins, and it is constantly reiterated that avaricious people have no place in Love's court. This seems to give people a non-Christian basis for charity (which will be interesting to compare to all the religious bases for charity and when one should and should not practice charity that come up in the late Ricardian and early Tudor periods). So while romance works are often opposed to religious texts, it seems that some of the main goals - that one should always strive to be a good person - stay true regardless of whether one is serving God or serving one's Beloved. Though it should also be noted that there's a huge gender-based double standard, and that men are allowed a lot more leeway in their actions than are women, who are either blamed as the basis for all evil in the world, thought to be wholly evil in themselves, or at least are not allowed to cheat on their lovers in the same way that men are occasionally allowed a brief dalliance with someone's handmaid.

It strikes me, then, that reading the last, hugely misogynistic, section of the Art of Courtly Love may be instructive in that it gives an idea as to what clerical objections to courtly texts and romances might be. One could also read it as a parody of clerical objections, since Capellanus more than once refers to love affairs of his own.