Comps advice from Maffoo

The following is from Matthew, quoted at length, in response to a blog on myspace bitching about how hard it is to force myself to read for exams some days. Matthew, in all his brilliance, is almost assuredly the only academic I've ever met with worse ADD than I have, and he's got the same type which comes with occasional bouts of depression, a tendency toward self-indulgence on bad days (and good days...) and a near-psychotic ability to get 500 billion things done in three days after putting everything off for so long that actual work completion seems a Herculean, if not actually impossible, task.

"I closely guard these secrets, and was one of the only students to pass all 5 areas in my first try my year, but I think it's time I pass down my uber-secret method of passing comps.

First, gather all of your readings. You cannot read anything until you have every single article, book, or unpublished manuscript in your possession. This process, for me, involved the promise of sexual favors to an academician in another state (never paid up) for the sake of some hard-to-find .pdf files. Just remember that you must fret and bitch over this, and not read anything relevant, until you can gather all of your files in a circle around yourself on the floor. In the meantime, read a ton of unrelated materials that are unrelated. You will be bitching so much about the difficulty of locating your primary sources and drinking that no one will pester you, assuming you're well under way in studying.

Next, rifle through and organize your materials. Repeat. It may take time to find the right flow of thematic readings. Drink more. Keep length in mind, and allow yourself to give preferential, early reading times to miniscule, minor works. You've been drinking a lot, so this could take days/weeks.

You now know exactly how many days/weeks/months it will take to read every article. Calculate back from the time of your test, and do NOT factor in time for food or sleep. That is the date you must begin reading. In the meantime, read a lot of Chris Kraus, drink more, and redecorate your living space. If questioned, insist that it is impossible for you to continue your work until you have fixed this.

Next, you may begin reading. This will be a stressful and painful process, and you'll realize suddenly you don't *like* your field.... or at least not your area of focus. Drink to compensate, and read something related to your new, yet unrelated, area of academic passion. Milton worked for me, but as he's too close to your area it's probably best you go with something like Stephen J. Gould's "The Structure of Evolution."

You should now be within weeks of your exam. Begin to read in earnest. Make a point to no longer bathe, eat regularly, and pick an ensemble that is appropriate for both sleeping and studying. Winter is the best season for comps, as pajamas with a hoody over them is the best attire.

Sit for your exam. You'll have some brilliant leaps of insight, and at least one point or question that you cannot answer b/c you skipped that last book based solely off of a sleep-deprived, alcohol-fueled moodiness that told you that books with tacky cover art, regardless of publisher, quality, or author, were irrelevant to your future or this exam. Excuse yourself for a bathroom or cigarette break. Dig it out in your car and skip a few lines per chapter. Return. Pass."