Got the latest round of comments back from both advisors (and to think, I still need two more) on the dissertation proposal. I can't believe that any one 10 page document is requiring this much work, when we all know and recognize that it doesn't have any viability as a written document beyond having to have a few people look at it so they'll sign off so I can be on maintenance of candidacy.
So, both of them think I've gone too narrow in my focus (one of whom told me that I'd come up with a great chapter, but not a great dissertation; the other of whom mentioned that the chapters seem to be repetitive, and need to branch out in other directions). Yay. This after several rounds of my not being specific enough. Also, one of them thinks that I can't write a sentence correctly. Yes, I know I'm long-winded and whatnot, but I know my grammar and when I'm writing something academic I do keep to grammatically correct sentences. It's sorta the way to go with that stuff. I've never had anyone tell me I need to start polishing my writing more before I send them stuff... so that little barb hurt.
I gather I need to meet with them again next week after the holidays so we can figure out what I'm supposed to be doing now so that they can sign off on the next draft (and so hopefully we can get me two other committee members who would also sign off on the next draft). So I'll set that up I suppose. And tomorrow I need to go back to working on that damned draft and see what I can do to branch out into whatever arenas I'm supposed to branch out into. I don't feel like I'm writing a dissertation for myself or as according to my own interests anymore; I feel like I'm writing some boring and pedantic little piece to make a bunch of other people happy. I'd love to say it isn't supposed to be like this but I imagine my experience with this is probably quite similar to other peoples'. This must be why so many people get to the ABD stage and say 'fuck this' as loudly as possible.
Tonight I think I'll salve my bruised ego a bit and enjoy the bpalz that finally came in the mail today. I've got Death of Autumn on one wrist and Archangel Winter on the other, so I smell like the weather outside - lots of dead leaves, a bit of smoke, and cold wet air. It's been snowing/sleeting/raining since yesterday morning and I had to cancel class tonight because I wasn't going to deal with driving back up from Philly several hours after dark in the frozen slush that's been falling from the sky. I don't think they've had bad weather in Philly, which is funny... oh, the joys of living 60 miles North of one's current place of employment.
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Not feeling passionate about your work anymore - feeling as if the facets you find most interesting are being bled out for the sake of committee members only marginally invested in your work to begin with.... YES! You're doing a dissertation! It'll be great. One day you may not hate your field again. Not today.
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